In the quest for making good friends we should be cautious in selecting friends. You should always be aware of the criteria listed before in this section. We all know about “a friend means well, even when he hurts you. But when an enemy put his hand round your shoulder, watch out”. Friends will be friends even when they act rude or may hurt your feeling until they don’t care for us. So is it essential to find a good friend?
Yes, it is essential to identify good and bad friends. In our ancient literature, it is said that “we should spend more time in knowing and analyzing the person with all the criteria’s discussed earlier. Because if you make a friend without knowing them entirely and you later find that person similar to the character of a poisonous snake it will be tough to get rid of that person from your heart. So it is important to analyze a person thoroughly and take your time before making a friend.
We all know about fake friends. Those who drill holes under your boat to get it leaking. Those who discredit your ambitions, those who pretend they love you and those who are in an intention to destroy you. Everybody knows about fake friends. They are like shadows, always near you at your brightest moments but not in your dark hour. Despite all this, most people keep fake friends to elevate themselves in many ways. Is this a correct approach?
No, not. In our ancient literature, it is said that enmity is better than a friendship with an unlearned immature person. It further states that death is preferable to an unbearable incurable disease. Killing is better than to make a person sore by heart. It says abusing a person is way better than praising a person for a quality they did not possess. So it clearly states that the way you treat others in a good way will elevate you and you don’t need a fake friend. Real friends are like stars; you don’t always see them, but they are still there.
We all know the proverb about a real friend, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” When there is a situation even when your family leaves you the real friend will step in to stand with you no matter what. The real friends are the one who will not let you down, and they will be honest with you, will be accepting, loyal and trustworthy. Is there any way to find real friends?
Yes, it’s possible. Our ancient literature says even if you have close friends as close as the small toes of the dog but in a problematic situation that friend who does not help you to the extent of the leg of the fly you should neglect their friendship. Here the leg of the fly as compared to the size of willingness to help. But instead, you should seek the friendship of those who have the heart to help others even they are distant to you like the channels of rice field that supply water. You should go and seek those friends.
There is a proverb about rich people, it says, “it is a good thing to be rich, and it is a good thing to be strong, but it is a better thing to be loved of many friends.” People are obsessed with money and power; they want their friendship badly. The latest research shows that obsessive drive towards wealth and power is a harmful addictive just like drugs or alcohol addiction. So is it wise and worthy to have a rich or powerful friend?
No, it is not wise to seek rich friends. The ancient literature says, even a simple food served with love by your friend who respects you is way better than a royal feast served to you by someone who merely treats as a count. It clearly says you don’t go after money and power instead choose love and respect. We should not forget that “money might make you wealthy, but true love makes you rich.” If you think it’s worth then here comes the proverb, “the company of just and righteous men is better than wealth and a rich estate.”
We have heard about friends with mutual benefits. Our modern lifestyle everyone is participating in a race which leads you nowhere and ends up in a depressed state. So to win the constant race, they have mutual benefit friends. These types of friends will not help you when you stop doing the things they want from you. So there are different types of friends in this world. For a better life, we need loyal and truthful friends. So, does the kind of friend matter?
Yes, it matters. According to our ancient literature, the lower scale is given to a friend who resembles the character of areca tree that is if you treat this cash crop well with high maintenance it gives you back. The medium scale is given to coconut tree. This does not require much maintenance, but it gives back more. The highest scale is provided to the palm tree which requires no maintenance but gives you everything it has got. Helping others is not a big thing, but when you help someone who cannot help you in any way that is the real help. So try to be a friend with the character of palm tree which shows unconditional love towards everyone.
We all have heard the saying, “A flower does not love you or hate you; it just exists.” It says it just doesn’t bother about you, it just blossoms. But we all need a friend who will make our life blossom like a beautiful flower. we also have heard the saying, “when the flower blossoms, the bee will come.” When you are doing great in our life, you attract unwanted people. So is there any way to differentiate these people?
Yes, there is always a way. In ancient literature, it was mentioned that you should have a friendship of people like the flower from the tree. Once it blossoms, it never closes again. Likewise, you should not have a friendship with people who resemble the flower from the water. It blooms and closes again. Here the water flower is shown like the people who act according to the situation who will smile at your face and will not hesitate to stab your back. The tree flower is to project people with stable character who are immune to evil influence.
We know the proverb, “Birds of a feather flock together.” People who have similar character or interest tend to enjoy spending time together. Research shows that friends tend to share the same brain waves and react to situations in the same way. It further states that we change our friends with our evolving beliefs and interests. The most important of all is sharing enthusiasm with matching brain frequency is very important for solid friendship. Is this an essential criterion?
Yes, it is. Our ancient literature says even if we spend most of our days with someone but could not mentally connect with them for a few days, you should not make them as your friend. Likewise, a friend with whom you are not in touch for a long time should not be a reason to be abandoned. So it clearly says you should make friends with similarly interested people and once you make such friends, we must keep that friendship strong.
There are plenty of sayings about fake friends. One such proverb is “false friends are worse than Open enemies.” This proverb says you can choose not to trust your enemies but what happens when a person is in disguise as your friend. Fake friends are like shadows; they will follow you in the sun but leave you in the dark. All you experience with false friendship is that you will be used and thrown out. So, how to choose a good friend?
The answer is in our ancient literature. It says that you should keep a friend with the character of a dog and not to choose a friend like an elephant. It further states that even when an elephant knows its driver for a long time who feeds them and takes care of them, it kills them when it gets musth. Whereas a dog also if you feed for a few days it will wag its tail if the spear you threw intending to kill it is still in its body. Here the elephant musth is compared to changed behavior with evil intention.
We all know the proverb, “like father like son.” It means that a sons character is likely to resemble the father. Children observe everything a parent does and incorporate what they see into their own lives. There is also a proverb, “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” It says that the behavior of children will be like their parents. The science proves that the negative example of parents will lead to bad behavior in children. So can it be criteria to choose a friend?
Yes definitely. The ancient literature strongly insists on the person with a good family background should be chosen as a friend. Family background does not mean wealth but the character of their parents and their knowledge. There are few things to look in the family background they are morals, respect, politeness manners, and their routines. I personally believe that we should not avoid others who do not fall in these criteria. But we should be cautious if we choose to deviate from our ancestress.
We all know that “friendship is love with understanding.” In this proverb, friendship is glorified ahead of love, as friendship is essential in everyone life. There may be different types of friendship based on their purpose. We are going to see the friendship of the good. As friendship plays a vital role in our life, it is our responsibility to choose good friends. So here comes a question, is there any criteria to select friends?
Yes, of course, our ancient literature gives us the criteria for choosing a friend. We should pick a friend who is “learned.” Everyone who has got an education is not considered learned. The one who is educated and mature enough to know good and bad is considered learned. The one who leads a good life by understanding nature and life is considered as educated and wise in olden days. It further says friendship with learned is like eating sugarcane from the top, the sweetness increases more and more as the friendship progresses. While having a friendship with the uneducated is like eating sugarcane from the bottom as the sweetness fades away as friendship progresses. Don’t forget that, “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.”
There are plenty of factors which affect the people life like social, economic, cultural and physical environment. The social participation such as in work, school, and neighborhood also affects people. People tend to get dissatisfied, angry, stressed and unhappy when things don’t go their way. The other major issue with people is the social networking addiction. It is a compulsive behavior that leads to adverse effects which affect essential activities such as work or school.Is there any way to stop this problem?
Yes, you can. The main thing is to stay away, which means not getting involved too much to anything. If you stay away and not get addicted to people or things, then you won’t get affected by anything in this world. Staying away is not getting isolated or acting like a stranger in a group, it is a conscious and serious effort to control your mind. You have to control your mind so that you can handle failure the same way you treat daily routine. So stay away from emotions and control your mind from being distracted.
Being kind in this world is thought as a sign of weakness. People think that others will take advantage of being nice. Psychologically it will affect when people are too kind. Science says that you may develop expectations, stress and addictive behavior when you care too much about people. People say when you are kind and give too much you may attract the wrong kind of people and you forget to take care of yourself. So is it right to be kind?
Yes, it is right to be kind, it is not the sign of weakness, it is the sign of courage. If you have to choose between, what is right and kind, Choose to be kind. The critical factor for being kind and not to be used by people, you should have limits. Before being generous with other people, you should love yourself and very cautious with others. The best way to find right people is to test them how they behave with other people who are not of any use to them. Being kind is always possible but what matters is not getting used by others.
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